For my mom

Yesterday, I finished reading Shin, Kyung-Sook's Please Look After Mom and I cried. My boyfriend turns to me and asked, is it really that sad? Yes, it is a sad book. It's a book that was written to make the reader have another perspective of his mom as a person beyond 'mom'. And I cried because I felt ashamed as a daughter because I had left my mom in her condition. I don't deny mom's health condition but yet, I choose to leave my mom's side so that I could live a free life. I am a shame of what I choose to do and when I asked my mom about my decision before I left about how she thought about it and how she felt about, it was a stupid thing to do because I knew that she couldn't fully tell me how she felt or what she wanted from me, as her daughter. I knew that in her state, she couldn't tell me how she felt, so she told me through her tears. 

A shame I am, that I felt and understood her tears, yet I left. A shame I am, that I told myself, it's gonna be alright, she's gonna be alright, I'm gonna be alright. Out of my habit to assume things, I said to myself 'I know mom is sad and it is difficult for her to see me go.'  I didn't hear, 'don't go my daughter' from my mom's lips, but I didn't need to hear it because I felt it and saw it but I didn't listen to her. I thought, 'but she's so use to see me go and come, she'll be okay. And I know mom wants the best for me. And for me, this is the best.' I selfishly answer my question that I asked my mom. Now I realize, I didn't ask-ask her, I "asked" to tell her I am going.  

A sentence in the book, the one that hit me the hardest is, 'Habit can be a frightening thing.'  My habit...my damn habit. Please be aware and be careful of your relationship habits; they are how we hurt people and mostly, the people we love. 

I can't undo what I have done. I can only be filled with guilt and shame but I do not hate this guilt and shame, rather, I want to release myself from them. I want to reflect on them and tell myself how I need to change. They are a part of me, of who I am. They also reflect the person my mom is, always loving, no matter the outcome. 

To my mom, who loves me effortlessly and endlessly. I am truly sorry for the pains I have caused you, the restless night I gave you, and the tears you shed when I hurt you. I am sorry and I love you. I am thankful to have you as my mom. You are such a beautiful person. I hope I can grow up to be half as great as you. Thank you. 

----

If you are interested in the book here is information about the book:

Author: Kyung-Sook Shin
Title: Please Look after Mother
Publisher: Orion Books, Hachette Book Group
ISBN: 978-0-7538-2907-3
Genre: Literary Fiction

Traveling from their home in the Korean countryside to visit their now-grown children in Seoul, an aging couple find themselves separated from each other in a busy subway station: “Mom and Father rushed toward the subway that had just arrived. Father got on, and when he looked behind him, Mom wasn’t there. . . . Mom was pulled away from Father in the crowd, and the subway left as she tried to get her bearings.” A search ensues — an entire family mobilized to find the missing matriarch, Park So-nyo. Fliers are posted and distributed by hand. The children follow up on sightings throughout the city, but leads fall flat. The crisis creates “a fissure” in the family’s daily lives, and soon bickering and blame unfold in equal measure.

Cho

One of my students, Cho, is quite the special guy. My first impression of this kid was that he was a rough kid and it would be hard to warm up to him. And yes, the first few engagements with him did swing him to the negative zone for me. During this time, when I thought about him, I would get annoyed. Then one day, I realize my stupidity of harboring this negativity so I decided that I need to cool down and look at his actions in another perspective. When I decided that, my impression of him and feeling towards him changed. So I begin to take notice of his actions and ask him about why he does the things he do, just to pick at his brain. I saw that he was not a rough kid but rather an over-the-rate hyper-active kid and quite a ... unusual kid, special in his own way ^^; 

Here is one reason why: 

One day, as I was walking around class to collect a listening test from students, I noticed that he didn't mark any answers on his paper, rather, it looked wet. So I asked him, why didn't he mark his answer and his answer was obvious, he had no pencil and that his group mates wouldn't lent him a pencil, and if he was to ask for a pencil from the teacher, he would get a red stamp -- a red stamp will take away a point due to bad behavior and going against the rules, he went against the rules by not coming to class prepared. So he said he would rather not get a red stamp. Then he proceeded to tell me that he took the test by listening and dotted the answer with his wet finger, of which he licked with his tongue. If I could of done it right there and then, I would've of done it, I would've dropped, rolled, and laughed out so loud. I wanted to praise him for working so hard to take the test but I had to decline his test, told him what kind of situation he got himself into, for it I were to take it, 1, there was no name, 2, he didn't mark any answers because by the time those wet dots dry up, it's just a blank paper. I questioned him if he knew what he did wrong and he said he did, so I walked away without his test. 

Later, he joyously beamed to me when I walked pass again the second time that class period. He found a lost pencil and marked his answers -- the ones he wetted before, and gave it to me, but I still declined it, there was still no name. So of course, he had to go look for that lost pencil again, to write his name. 

I don't know what you take out of this situation but for me, it was funny but it did show that he wants to do well in school and in my class. Also, he thought out of the box. What 3rd grade elementary school kid would have handled this situation like he did? Only the rare ones.  

*sigh* what a precious child. 

Crazy gadget I would like to try!

Okay, okay. We all know Japan is high tech and always ahead on technology and gadgets. And when it comes to facial care and products, Japan has produced some very crazy products. 
I got a really good kick reading about a lot of these products and there are few ones that I would like to try out. I don't know if I will be able to find these products in Korea but I'll try to look for them; 'cause I know, Korea is also crazy about facial products from Japan although they may pretend they are not and outrage about what Japan has produced ;P 


Products I would like to try out: 


Slim Mouth Piece



Features :
1. Allows you to exercise your mouth to slim down your face. 
How to use : 
1. Use this every morning and night for the best effects. 
2. Every usage should be around 2 to 3 mins.
Features : 
1. Removes facial hair from root. 
2. Skin become smoother & become cleaner & less clogged up.
   
How to use : 
1. Bend stick into half. 
2. Turns handle outwards while sliding along face. 
3. Use product on face only.  

Facial Hair Remover Stick

Facial Massage Roller 

Bukchon Traditional Village

Today me and my boyfriend venture out to Bukchon Traditional Village (북 촌한옥마을) and I'm so glad we did. I have never been to this part of Seoul before and the atmosphere here is very, very different. We saw many traditional Korean houses and many of them were lovely. These houses are rare to see in Seoul, and when you do see them, especially when there are more than two or three together, it gives a new feeling of Korea; like you are really walking in a Korea neighborhood. Whenever I travel, housing and structures are two major factors that build the feeling/sense of a place for me. People and culture usual structure their homes to accustom their culture and lifestyle and that's probably why it is important to me. Another part that really wowed me was when we venture off the course and walked into the shopping area around the Blue House (Korea's equivalent of the White House).

I felt even stranger there because I felt like I was strolling through downtown Stillwater (MN) and it was refreshing. I kept thinking to myself, 'where have I've been denying myself this part of Seoul?' I didn't get a very good look and stroll in this part but I am going back! Until then, here are some pictures that I took with my phone camera >.< Sorry, that's all I have for a camera.

stores and cafe hidden in a small street alley  ^^

Coffee Unlimited : We stop here for coffee. It was tiny

I know it doesn't look grand or amazing but walking down this street was exciting. The use of the buildings for business were amazing. I promise to take better pictures next time.

This tree blew my boyfriend's mind away. He was so excited to see this tree beside a house. From his reaction, a tree this regular size, next to a house is a rare sight.








UPDATE: Jan. 17, 2012


Today, I went out to make a public library card. Since the library was near the area, I decided to explore the place again. I took a very long and slow stroll in this area ^^ Sorry about the bad quality again, only phone-camera quality...

I stopped at this small cafe for a drink and for a short reading. It was cute, although the bench seat I was sitting on was not comfty. I had my first ginger chai tea drink here, it was OK.

These of just random shots of shops and cafes that I thought were cute or cool. A lot of shops here are named after popular Western stories. For example, this 'OZ Kitchen'. There was a 'Little Prince Cafe' and also a 'Dorothy (from the Wizard of OZ) Coffee and Pie' shop.

This shop is awesome but I walked out with nothing in my hands since I'm on a budget. There was a very cool knitted hat that I wanted to purchase but the price was way out of my range. This shop specials in painting on fabric and leather and knits.

This hat shop was interesting. It had a lot of cool and strange looking hats. There was one that looks like a bag, it's the brown on with the handle in the front. After seeing that hat, I decided to go inside and when I did, be hold to my ears was the song from 'Howl's Moving Castle' from the scene in the hat shop in the movie. Although the hats and the shop itself was interesting, the worker didn't know much about hats because I asked what the name of the brown hat is but or what the style the hat is, and she couldn't tell me. I was disappointed although I don't know about hats, I thought I would learn something here but I didn't.

Look how cute the fire hydrants are in this area ^^
Anyhow, I really like this part of Seoul. I'm going to go back when spring comes around.

새해 복 많이 받으세요!

I'm late to say this but, happy new year! I hope the new year brings you, family, and friends happiness, love, and good health. If 2011 was a struggle make 2012 a new year; you have the power and choice to make it a new and better year for you but let's not just make it once a year but for everyday and  for  life ^^

Winter English Camp is over ^.^ It came by fast and it was great.

Christmas Eve Day! Christmas cake and look, there is even a candle...umm...maybe for Jesus? 

Regular class day, playing Speak-Jenga

  

Sports Day : Bowling and Ultimate Ninja 

Last Day: Performance and Award

---

Now it is time for me to rest up and restore my energy. I have three weeks of nothing to do because I've been feeling like a bear who has been lacking hibernation in this weather and dark days. 

And in a month, I'll be visiting my family back home. I can't wait to see everyone, especially Riah~ 

'tis the season to be merry!

Happy holidays everyone!

I've been busy thinking of Christmas and the people in my life, oh and making Christmas cards.
A couple of Sundays ago, I stayed home and made my Christmas cards. I'm not creative so I had to take ideas from the internet and play around with them. I couldn't pass the reindeers card when I made it; it was uber cute! And it was so easy to make. So I decided to make all of my Christmas cards this year the reindeers card.
While making the cards, I had my stupid moment. Since the weather was cold outside, I closed the windows, turn on the floor heat and made the cards inside my nice and warm house. For the cards, I needed to use my thumb print but I couldn't find any brown stamp ink so I decided to run a brown marker over my thumb for my prints. Of course, you know where this is going... I got high - a little. I kept asking myself, 'man, why do I feel light headed?', 'did I drink the Crown?'. After one hour of asking myself, I realized the ink on my thumb and that ink = fume. DUH! Then my thumb started to itch and have a weird feeling; I started to freak out about ink poison. Let's just say, the fume got to me good. But I had fun making the cards and I hope my family and friends enjoy their card.

Work
I renewed my contract to work in South Korea as a GET (NET) for another year. I like this school and my students, and I hope to teach the lower grade students next year ^^ It works out well for me and them.
Next week is winter break and English camp kicks off again!
Hope to have a wonderful and fun time!

Hongdae's Free Market

This past Saturday, a friend and I met up in Hongdae to go to the Hello Kitty Cafe there. Before we went to the cafe, we decided to look around Hongdae's Free Market that operates on Saturdays (http://www.freemarket.or.kr/). I heard about an artist who draws portraits of people based on the word that the people give her to describes them and the feeling of the person she receives from the person during the session. So while we were there, I decided to go look at her work and decided to do a session with her.
I couldn't think about a word that will describes me, so I thought and thought and I finally choose 'pollen'. It travels where the wind takes it, and wether it plants its self on good soil, bad soil, or no soil, it still grows. When it grows it can be taken as a pest (weed) or something good (flower). I saw the pollen as myself; the wind, my journey of finding myself being pulled here and there; the soil, my destinations and experiences.

After some small talks and listening to my conversation with my friend, this was her final drawing based on my word. And this is the poetry she wrote with it:

어디로 가는지 몰라도
날면 어느새 나는
태양선의 강렬한을
나무의 강인한을 닮아가며

I don't know where I'm heading 
but while flying, I'm getting 
the Sun's strong rays. 
the tree's thick trunk. 


-초 선영 Cho Sun Young 











Before we parted, she said 'It's not the destination that matters, but the journey'. I thought, she gets it, and smiled.

If you are interested to look at her works or just to get to know her more, here is her website:
http://www.chosunyoung.com/